“I feel like I am grieving the loss of something, but I do not know what that is.”
—Me, explaining why I haven’t been to Bible Study lately
Finding out my son is faced with a muscle disease has been the most faith shaking and faith building experience in my life. The phone call from the doctor saying he has a muscle disease and that now we just have to put a name on it sent me into grief. Grief for a loss I did not understand.
“What have I lost?” I would ask myself. He’s here, and we aren’t looking at muscular dystrophy, a fatal muscle disease. So, why am I grieving? I asked for clarity and comfort. I asked for strength. I just kept asking, and one day I received.
I love podcasts, and one of my favorites is the For The Love with Jen Hatmaker Podcast. I was listening to the Chrissy Kelly: How To Survive When Your Dreams Dissolve episode. It was an awakening of the soul—I realized what I had been grieving this whole time!
I had lost expectancy. I could no longer know what was going to happen, as a mom. Plans of sports, school, careers, graduation, marriage, all of the hopes I always took for granted, they are all up in the air.
As a mom, especially if you have twins or more, you learn to expect the unexpected. Some ideas and plans you learn to let go of, but not normalcy. You don’t expect to let go of simple ideals. Yet, when you are facing the unknown, you have to die to the design of normal mom… [Read more…] about Accept the Loss of Expect