From my family and my church
I learned how to pray
how to sing
how to ask questions in a manner
that wouldn’t make anyone
too uncomfortable. I learned
how to forgive so much
that when my mother expressed surprise
at how much I let my partner off the hook
all I could say was,
“I was taught to forgive.”
From my Jewish friends
I learned how to value community
how to observe holidays
when no one cares enough
to make it easier for you.
I learned how to persevere
when everyone around you
wants you to go away.
From my atheist friends
I learned how to ask
the uncomfortable questions
how to find the beautiful
and (dare I say) spiritual
in science and space.
I learned how to see my people
my family
through the eyes
of those who have no interest
in joining a congregation
no matter how many times
you invite them to church.
From my pagan friends and my witch friends
(because no, those two are not
the same thing)
I learned how to love ritual
how to use my body in prayer
how to bring Feeling to my worship
instead of sitting back
and expecting God
to do all the work.
From Rachel Held Evans,
Brian McLaren, Rob Bell,
and John Shore
I learned that questions
could be faithfully asked
while still being difficult,
that one can still be a Christian
while feeling like an outsider,
that ritual is not stuffy
or suspect
but Godly if I wish it to be.
From Justin Lee and my dear Stephen
I learned that queers like me
can be religious
and political
and sexy and angry and raw
and forgiving
without any of those things
being in conflict.
From my friend Father Phil,
I learned that church
can be a safe place
for queers like me,
for feminists like me,
for doubters and seekers like me.
These people
these teachers
they stand by my side,
holding my hands
as I take a deep breath
and enter a church
still full of fear.
They pray with me
echoing my words
encouraging me to keep speaking,
because, they promise,
God does hear me.
God
they promise me
is with me
still.
Sonja Lund—that’s her above (photo by Greg DeMichillie)—is a twenty-something English major and baby Episcopalian from California. She writes lots of poetry and has recently started a blog on the subject under her pen name, O.E. Leider. She enjoys long walks on the beach, wearing strange clothes in public places, and dismantling the patriarchy.
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